The Shepherd Press Blog

What to do about lying

Even from birth the wicked go astray;
  from the womb they are wayward and speak lies. Psalm 58:3

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience —among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. Ephesians 2:1-3

Don Fields’ comment and questions about lying have been on my heart during these posts on lying. Children’s lies are a harsh reminder of the nature of sin. To fully appreciate the immense power and value of the cross in our lives, we must have a profound sense of the ugliness of sin. This awareness must extend to your children as well. My children and your children come into this world as natural enemies of God. They would rather lie than tell the truth. They seek first and foremost to gratify their own passions and desires, even if it means that others will be harmed. They are by nature children of wrath. That is where you must start.

Lying to God

Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property. With his wife's full knowledge he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles' feet.

Then Peter said, "Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Didn't it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn't the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied to men but to God." Acts 5:1-4

In one sense all lies are lies to God. However, as this passage in Acts shows, there is a particular type of lie that qualifies specifically as lying to God. I think of this as “lying on steroids.” Often, this lie is not about hiding things that are wicked, but about misrepresenting things that appear to be good, even righteous. This is where the greatest danger lies for children raised in Christian homes. That is why your parenting must go beyond addressing behavior.

Why Children Lie – Part 2

   

Now Amnon had a friend named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David's brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. He asked Amnon, "Why do you, the king's son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won't you tell me?"
   Amnon said to him, "I'm in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister."
"Go to bed and pretend to be ill," Jonadab said. "When your father comes to see you, say to him, 'I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.' "
So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, "I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand." II Samuel 13:3-6

Children tend to lie in two types of circumstances. We looked at the first reason in the last post. The response of immediately trying to deny responsibility comes naturally to us and to our children. Children are fearful of the consequences of their sin and lie to avoid them. Christ must be shown as the one who can bring peace to a fearful heart. It is vital that this pattern be addressed quickly and thoroughly. If it is not, then the habit lying will take root and become a means to other ends.

Why Children Lie

Then the LORD said, "I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son."
   Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. Abraham and Sarah were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, "After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?"

Then the LORD said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?' Is anything too hard for the LORD? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son."

Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, "I did not laugh."
   But he said, "Yes, you did laugh." Genesis 18:10-15

When children lie it is often tempting to see the reason for the lie as a mystery. For example; “Why would my child lie about taking that toy from his brother, when it is so obvious that he did do just that?” Then, deepening the mystery, parents often ask, “Why would he make up such a far-fetched story to cover up his actions? The lie and cover up seem so illogical and unnecessary.” Thus, parents sometimes tend to treat the problem as one of logic and intelligence; they puzzle over why their children would lie. Scripture solves the mystery. Children are born liars. When we sin, we lose the ability to be logical. We are blinded by self-interest (Proverbs 4:19).

Shepherding vs. Control

When parents see their children lie, the immediate response is something like, how can I stop this! In these situations it is easy to lose sight of the biblical model of shepherding your children and resort to the world’s methodology of control. I have included the following excerpt from Instructing a Child’s Heart which addresses this very issue. Take a look at what Tedd says. It will be helpful to you as we continue this series on lying.

 

Truthful lips endure forever

Truthful lips endure forever,
  but a lying tongue lasts only a moment. Proverbs 12:19

The LORD detests lying lips,
  but he delights in men who are truthful. Proverbs 12:22

We are all born liars. Not a pleasant thought, but true. Like you, your children were born with the capacity and proclivity to lie. Psalm 58:3 says that we come from the womb speaking lies. While we know the Bible teaches this, we are often shocked by our children’s lies.