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April 15, 2008


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Dan Delavan

Thank you for your comments.

From my perspective and struggles, I am led back into the Garden of Eden with the ridiculous picture of Adam and Eve "hiding in the bushes." Nobody had told them they were naked, but they had "looked in the mirror of their hearts" and seen sinfulness. We are proud, or ashamed, or both at this reflection in the mirror.

From the perspective of being a child at one time myself, I think back of the matter-of-fact way that we looked at reproduction occuring with the different animals on the farm. I don't remember a time that I didn't understand the "mechanics" of sex, but I never remember my parents discuss, even once, the "heart issues" of sex. The command was DON'T, but there was no interaction about what to do about the heart.

Praise God for his grace in protecting both my wife and I so that we would marry as virgins, but it certainly wasn't because our parents openly talked about their own sexual thoughts and struggles.

I have been AMAZED at the 100's of opportunities to teach our three kids about sexual/relational thoughts and struggles. From the half-dressed girl in the mall, to the "juvenile breakups" between their unsaved friends in the community, to...opportunities come often.

What I have noticed is that when I am struggling with my thoughts (at the mall, etc) I am in no position to comment to my son to look anther direction, or if that is impossible, to look her in the eye, etc. I am ESPECIALLY in no position to tell him that Christ is far more precious and beautiful.

With our two girls, who come home telling of the "latest drama" between some of their friends, there are opportunities to teach what unselfish love looks like and how to "build protective fences" around their hearts.

We are at the place where two out of three children are "leaving the nest" this year. I pray that we have given and practiced and refined and established firmly a God-centered, Gospel-driven life direction to their lives. It is now that we must, like the Apostle Paul, "commend them to God's grace." Yes, there will be ongoing phone calls, etc, but they will be miles from home at college where their hearts will either respond continually to chase after God or will turn away from Him.

There is much more involved in teaching the way that you have described that makes the Gospel CRUCIAL to these areas of our lives, that has been covered generally in other posts.

The summary is that 1. It is our natural human, sinful tendency to hide from our sinfulness so therefore 2. When we are struggling with our own thoughts and possibly even actions, there is no good way to "have a heart-to-heart" with others.

Once again, thank you for your opening up of these topics in very practical ways.

Jay Younts

Dan, It is evident you have given much thought to these important topics. One point that I stress when talking about the temptation of sexual sin is that it is essential to remember that these temptations are a deception, a lie. Sexual sin promises what it cannot deliver. All that it can do is provide as continual lust for more sensual pursuits. Eph. 4:17-19 is an important passage in this discussion. Satan tempted Eve with a lie in the garden and the plan has worked ever since. If you can recognize the temptation for what it is, a lie which cannot deliver what it promises, you have taken the first step to defeating it. This is an imporant message to give to your children. Thanks for your response.

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