The Shepherd Press Blog

It’s Not Natural – part 2

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Ephesians 6:1

It seems that there is actually one more post in this series of communicating the Gospel to your children. Heather, one of our readers, raised an important question about the last post. Here is her comment:

You mention that "Heather has been given only one option." Is it ever appropriate to offer a choice? For instance, "Honey, you can either give the train to your brother and find another toy, or you can play with the train with him." Or should these options be explained at a point when there is “not” a squabble going on (i.e. "here are some ways you can share and act kindly in the future")?

It’s Not Natural

For wisdom will enter your heart,
  and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Proverbs 2:10

The wise in heart are called discerning,
  and pleasant words promote instruction. Proverbs 16:21

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother—which is the first commandment with a promise— that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Ephesians 6:1-3

This is the final post in this series about pleasant words and communicating the Gospel. I am also responding to comments left by Shannon and Ann. Thank you both for sending them.

In the last post I focused on the futility of attempting to reason with young children without first establishing the foundation of God’s authority. A child’s ultimate well being on planet Earth is directly connected to his attitude towards God’s authority. In other words, through repentance and faith in Christ, he must joyfully submit to God in every area of life.

Protection

20 My son, keep your father's commands
       and do not forsake your mother's teaching.

21 Bind them upon your heart forever;
       fasten them around your neck.

22 When you walk, they will guide you;
       when you sleep, they will watch over you;
       when you awake, they will speak to you.

23 For these commands are a lamp,
       this teaching is a light,
       and the corrections of discipline
       are the way to life,

24 keeping you from the immoral woman,
       from the smooth tongue of the wayward wife.  Proverbs 6:20-24

The last post focused on the danger of communication breakdowns between parents and their teenagers. When communication with parents fails, teenagers lose a significant weapon in their battle with the world. The words underlined in the text above could all be translated guard according to Waltke’s commentary. Notice that the initiative here is with the child. The father is urging that his son follow his direction. But the protection will come as the son actively participates in guarding his heart. This is the same sense as Proverbs 4:23 where the son is told, “Above all else guard your heart.” The connection with the instruction given to younger children must not be missed.

 

Worldview Summary

When I was a boy in my father's house,
  still tender, and an only child of my mother,

he taught me and said,
  "Lay hold of my words with all your heart;
  keep my commands and you will live.

Get wisdom, get understanding;
  do not forget my words or swerve from them.

Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you;
  love her, and she will watch over you. Proverbs 4:3-6

The past three blogs have looked at the issue of worldview and young children. In chapter 4 of Proverbs, Solomon gives a compelling worldview—the ultimate reality check. Two powerful directives frame his worldview. The first directive, in verse 4, says, “…with all of your heart keep my commands and you will live.” The second directive teaches that if the child embraces and loves wisdom, he will be protected. Life and protection—two promises that will become the foundation of a young child’s life.

Toddlers, Futile Thinking and the Gospel

So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking.  Eph. 4:17

But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness;
       they do not know what makes them stumble. Proverbs 4:19

Another consequence of children’s natural worldview is futile thinking. Often parents say things like, why can’t children just do what the Bible says, can’t they see it is for their own good? The answer is – no they can’t see that. Ephesians describes the thinking of those who don’t know God as futile. This fits closely with the description of the wicked in Proverbs 4:19. Those without Christ live in darkness; they don’t know that their very thoughts are deceiving them. A young child thinks he will be happy if he has a certain toy, but when he acquires it, his happiness last only for a moment. He thinks if he gets want he wants he will be content. Yet the reality is that getting what he wants does not lead to contentment, but only to a stronger desire for more things. This is what Ephesians is describing as futile, dark thinking.

toddlers and worldview part 2

Doing what comes naturally

17So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.  Eph. 4:17-19

This passage is seldom applied to child-training and to toddlers. However, there is much to learn from Paul’s words regarding training children. This passage illustrates what happens when children are not brought up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. (Eph. 6:4) This passage is a road map showing the way children will grow if left to their own choices. Thinking that is not biblical is futile thinking. One reason that young children are often unhappy for no apparent reason is that their thinking is futile. Life doesn’t make sense because from the child’s world view, he should have what he wants. If he can’t have what he wants life is unfair. It may seem difficult to think of a young child having a hard heart. Yet think about the last time your child threw a temper tantrum. How soft was his heart then?

toddlers and worldview

Toddlers and worldview are not concepts that appear to be compatible at first glance. The image of a 3–year-old sitting down at a computer to type a paper on worldview evokes humor, not reality. However, a toddler does have a worldview. It may be limited, but it is a worldview nonetheless. This worldview is expressed in statements like  – I’m thirsty, he took my toy, I want a cookie, I’m tired, I’m hungry, I don’t want to. Do you see a pattern here? A toddler’s worldview tends to begin and end with him. This is not surprising given that we all start life gratifying the cravings of our flesh (Eph. 2:3). Left unchecked this limited, self-centered worldview will produce a teenager whose life is still centered upon himself.

This is why God calls parents in Deuteronomy 6 to teach their children that God is to dominate their worldview.