The Shepherd Press Blog

Communicating God’s Goodness to Your Kids

10 For wisdom will enter your heart,
  and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.  Proverbs 2:10

Psalm 13 is a tender reminder that God has been good to us. As parents, we long for our children to know his goodness firsthand. How does that happen? This, of course, is the big question—but the starting point is less complicated than you might think. Allow me to ask a question from Psalm 13. Do you believe that God has been good to you?

Let another praise you

“Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
         someone else, and not your own lips.” —Proverbs 27:2

Karen asked the following question in response to an earlier post.

I find that my children often point out the good that they do. While I do thank them at that point and express how their good blessed me, what words should I use to make sure they do not crave the praise of man? Something to the effect of..."Yes, I am so blessed by your cleaning up without being told, but even more, Your Father in heaven is pleased at what you have done. Seek His praise instead of mine." Do you have any suggestions?

Good question! You’re on the right track with your concern. It is true that we want our children to please God instead of man, but the parent child relationship requires special handling. Let’s look at a couple of principles to hold in balance when we think about this goal.

 

 

David, Josiah and Mary

20 My son, keep your father's commands
       and do not forsake your mother's teaching.

21 Bind them upon your heart forever;
       fasten them around your neck.

22 When you walk, they will guide you;
       when you sleep, they will watch over you;
       when you awake, they will speak to you.

23 For these commands are a lamp,
       this teaching is a light,
       and the corrections of discipline
       are the way to life,

24 keeping you from the immoral woman,
       from the smooth tongue of the wayward wife.

As we finish this series of posts on Proverbs 6, I want to focus again on verse 22. In the last post I linked to the Rebelution website authored by Alex and Brett Harris, two teenagers who demonstrate the active presence of the Word that verse 22 talks about. They have written a book, titled Do Hard Things; Tim Challies has written a review of the book. This book is helpful for both teenagers and parents.  The Harris brothers are convinced that the expectations we have for what teenagers can accomplish is too low. The negative consequence of setting low expectations is low performance. In other words, if you don’t expect much, you won’t get much. I agree.

 

Authority for building up

He who answers before listening—
       that is his folly and his shame. Proverbs 18:13

This post is directed to husbands and fathers. However, wives and moms are free to read as well. You may even want to forward this post to your husbands.

Men, God has charged us with leading our families. The biblical basis for our leadership is found in such passages as Eph. 5:25-33 and Eph. 6:4. This leadership is an awesome responsibility. We are to represent Christ to our wives and children. In 2 Cor. 13:10 we learn that biblical leadership is to have the focus of building others up and not tearing them down. Paul says in Ephesians 4:29 that our words are rotten if they don’t build others up.  Each of us can think of examples of leadership that are not especially building or encouraging. Perhaps our fathers appeared to tear us down more than they built us up. Perhaps you have had a supervisor who led by intimidation. God, however, has called us to be different than that. Our leadership is to build up those under our care. We are to lead with understanding and compassion. Thankfully, God has given us specific directions in his word to help us be leaders who build others up. In this post we will look at one of these directives – not to answer without listening.

Criticism – Something to Value

11 My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline
  and do not resent his rebuke,

12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
  as a father the son he delights in. Proverbs 3:11-12

Criticism would make few top 10 lists of favorite gifts. While the Proverbs don’t use the term criticism, there are many passages that talk about receiving a rebuke. Almost surprisingly, the Proverbs teach that receiving a rebuke is often a good thing. Chapter 9 goes so far as to say that a wise man will love you if you rebuke him (9:8). Since the Garden, our natural tendency is to avoid blame and shift responsibility to others when our actions are challenged. It is easy to think we have been unfairly assessed. Yet if we do not welcome rebuke (criticism), we are not acting wisely.

A significant part of parenting  is about building up people—your children (2 Cor. 13:10b). If we are honest before God, we must acknowledge that the person we see in the mirror has many flaws and weaknesses that make it difficult for our children to follow our direction.  In fact, it is truly amazing that anyone would want to follow our direction! This is a why a wise man loves a rebuke. He knows he needs help. He also knows that God is committed to providing this help. That is the point of Proverbs 3:11-12. If we bristle at the rebuke of others we will also bristle at the rebuke of God.

 

Worldview Summary

When I was a boy in my father's house,
  still tender, and an only child of my mother,

he taught me and said,
  "Lay hold of my words with all your heart;
  keep my commands and you will live.

Get wisdom, get understanding;
  do not forget my words or swerve from them.

Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you;
  love her, and she will watch over you. Proverbs 4:3-6

The past three blogs have looked at the issue of worldview and young children. In chapter 4 of Proverbs, Solomon gives a compelling worldview—the ultimate reality check. Two powerful directives frame his worldview. The first directive, in verse 4, says, “…with all of your heart keep my commands and you will live.” The second directive teaches that if the child embraces and loves wisdom, he will be protected. Life and protection—two promises that will become the foundation of a young child’s life.

The Super Bowl and Proverbs 4:23, part 2.

Above all else, guard your heart,
     for it is the wellspring of life.

In this second look at Super Bowl XLII I want to examine morality and spectacle. Solomon’s warning to guard your heart and, by implication, to teach your children to guard their hearts is one that must not be neglected. Paul addresses the same theme in Ephesians 6 where he speaks about spiritual warfare. With regard to our hearts we are never in a neutral zone or a demilitarized zone (DMZ). The enemy is always lurking. Since Satan is the Deceiver his attacks are seldom obvious. Cultural spectacle is one way to deceive us. As we noted in the last post, spectacle tends to move us beyond morality.

It is perhaps easy to think that an event like the Super Bowl doesn’t have a major impact on our families. This is precisely why it is important to heed Solomon’s warning! Your children are growing up in a world where biblical morality is deemed irrelevant. This is powerfully illustrated by how Tom Brady, quarterback of the New England Patriots, is portrayed. The media focus is on his passing skills, his leadership, his strong work ethic, his winning record, his good looks, his supermodel girlfriend, and his devotion to the infant child he fathered with his previous girlfriend. I have heard more than one sport commentator say, he has it all. ESPN.com is currently running a two part series on Brady. One of the subtitles reads a perfect life … with insecurities.

The Super Bowl and Proverbs 4:23

 

The message of Proverbs 4:23 is an ominous, as well as a gracious, warning.

Above all else, guard your heart,
     for it is the wellspring of life.

There is urgency in these words of Solomon. Above all else carries an ominous tone. The Holy Spirit is saying, “Pay attention!” The warning is also gracious. You are being told what is really important. Parents, you must faithfully and frequently give this warning to your children.

The reason for warnings is that dangers often come when they are least expected. This weekend’s Super Bowl is no exception. After the infamous half-time “wardrobe malfunction” the NFL vowed to make the game more family-friendly, but I don’t think the league had Proverbs 4:23 in mind when they made that promise. The real dangers are more subtle and pervasive than those from which the NFL will guard you.