Mini-Post*

Dan has just posted the following comment about today’s post, Young Children, Teenagers & the National Day of Silence.   

You say in your post, "These topics are difficult to talk to adults about, let alone middle school age children. Yet this is exactly what parents, church leaders and teachers must do if we are to prepare our children for the world they will enter." Why IS IT that these things are difficult to talk about? I have some of my own ideas from my personal experience, but would appreciate your insight.

Dan asks,”Why is it difficult to talk about areas of sexual sin?” Let me suggest at least one reason for the difficulty, along with a suggestion for overcoming it. The reason is that it should never be pleasant to talk about things which enslave and bring condemnation upon so many. These types of sexual sins are indeed an affront to God and to his people. They are from the darkness and carry the aroma of death and hell with them. These counterfeit pleasures attempt to draw people deeper into pain and enslavement. They are attacks on the marriage bed. There is a sense that we should naturally, as Christians with new hearts, shrink back from the face of darkness.

 

The answer to this difficulty is that we should always be quick to point out the excellencies of God’s truth to our children, even when this truth is negatively illustrated. The father in Proverbs chapter 7 seized upon the opportunity to show his son the dance of deception playing right in front of the window of their home. The young fool on the street was enticed and led into a deadly snare. God’s word was not something that he wore around his neck with honor. The father in Proverbs 7 is “telling it like it is.” He gives his son a play-by-play of this grim scene. He is not squeamish. He did not withhold the truth from his child.  As Christians we should not shrink back from identifying those things which endanger our children. In this sense we must be prepared to talk openly and directly about sexual sin when God providentially “opens a window” for us to do so.

I fear Christians often reverse these two responses. We often have itching ears and wandering eyes, just looking for some tidbit of scandal to be devoured. This is the down side of 24 hour cable news. Then, when we do have the opportunity to speak plainly about sexual sin we shrink back, afraid of the scorn of the world around us. We don’t want to be embarrassed in front of our children by talking about sexual sin. This is an example of fearing man more than God.

Well, Dan, there is my first take on your comment. I’m sure other factors come to mind. What are these ideas of yours about this topic?

*I thought this would be a good time to introduce a new feature at the Shepherd Press Blog – The Mini-Post. Whenever there is a pertinent breaking news story or a comment where an immediate response is warranted, they will be answered with a Mini-Post. Dan, your comment is the source of the first Mini-Post. Congratulations!

Comments

[Dan Delavan]

Thank you for your comments.

From my perspective and struggles, I am led back into the Garden of Eden with the ridiculous picture of Adam and Eve "hiding in the bushes." Nobody had told them they were naked, but they had "looked in the mirror of their hearts" and seen sinfulness. We are proud, or ashamed, or both at this reflection in the mirror.

From the perspective of being a child at one time myself, I think back of the matter-of-fact way that we looked at reproduction occuring with the different animals on the farm. I don't remember a time that I didn't understand the "mechanics" of sex, but I never remember my parents discuss, even once, the "heart issues" of sex. The command was DON'T, but there was no interaction about what to do about the heart.

Praise God for his grace in protecting both my wife and I so that we would marry as virgins, but it certainly wasn't because our parents openly talked about their own sexual thoughts and struggles.

I have been AMAZED at the 100's of opportunities to teach our three kids about sexual/relational thoughts and struggles. From the half-dressed girl in the mall, to the "juvenile breakups" between their unsaved friends in the community, to...opportunities come often.

What I have noticed is that when I am struggling with my thoughts (at the mall, etc) I am in no position to comment to my son to look anther direction, or if that is impossible, to look her in the eye, etc. I am ESPECIALLY in no position to tell him that Christ is far more precious and beautiful.

With our two girls, who come home telling of the "latest drama" between some of their friends, there are opportunities to teach what unselfish love looks like and how to "build protective fences" around their hearts.

We are at the place where two out of three children are "leaving the nest" this year. I pray that we have given and practiced and refined and established firmly a God-centered, Gospel-driven life direction to their lives. It is now that we must, like the Apostle Paul, "commend them to God's grace." Yes, there will be ongoing phone calls, etc, but they will be miles from home at college where their hearts will either respond continually to chase after God or will turn away from Him.

There is much more involved in teaching the way that you have described that makes the Gospel CRUCIAL to these areas of our lives, that has been covered generally in other posts.

The summary is that 1. It is our natural human, sinful tendency to hide from our sinfulness so therefore 2. When we are struggling with our own thoughts and possibly even actions, there is no good way to "have a heart-to-heart" with others.

Once again, thank you for your opening up of these topics in very practical ways.

[Jay Younts]

Dan, It is evident you have given much thought to these important topics. One point that I stress when talking about the temptation of sexual sin is that it is essential to remember that these temptations are a deception, a lie. Sexual sin promises what it cannot deliver. All that it can do is provide as continual lust for more sensual pursuits. Eph. 4:17-19 is an important passage in this discussion. Satan tempted Eve with a lie in the garden and the plan has worked ever since. If you can recognize the temptation for what it is, a lie which cannot deliver what it promises, you have taken the first step to defeating it. This is an imporant message to give to your children. Thanks for your response.