Criticism – Something to Value

11 My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline
  and do not resent his rebuke,

12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
  as a father the son he delights in. Proverbs 3:11-12

Criticism would make few top 10 lists of favorite gifts. While the Proverbs don’t use the term criticism, there are many passages that talk about receiving a rebuke. Almost surprisingly, the Proverbs teach that receiving a rebuke is often a good thing. Chapter 9 goes so far as to say that a wise man will love you if you rebuke him (9:8). Since the Garden, our natural tendency is to avoid blame and shift responsibility to others when our actions are challenged. It is easy to think we have been unfairly assessed. Yet if we do not welcome rebuke (criticism), we are not acting wisely.

A significant part of parenting  is about building up people—your children (2 Cor. 13:10b). If we are honest before God, we must acknowledge that the person we see in the mirror has many flaws and weaknesses that make it difficult for our children to follow our direction.  In fact, it is truly amazing that anyone would want to follow our direction! This is a why a wise man loves a rebuke. He knows he needs help. He also knows that God is committed to providing this help. That is the point of Proverbs 3:11-12. If we bristle at the rebuke of others we will also bristle at the rebuke of God.

 

God rebukes us because he loves us—because he delights in us. This is contrary to what seems natural. Too often we discipline out of frustration and exasperation. (For example, have you ever said, “How many times have I told you not to do that?”) There is an inner weariness that accompanies direction given in frustration rather than delight. God, on the other hand, delights to discipline us because he knows that we need correction and he is committed to helping you and me become more complete in Christ.

If we reject God’s rebuke we are, in fact, implying that we don’t need a rebuke; we are fine the way we are. I can hear someone saying, “But I wouldn’t resist a rebuke from God, but my wife—that’s a different story.” This is where wisdom comes in. The wise man knows that God, who is in control of all things—even a wife’s speech—is committed to bringing about godly change in your life. A wise parent  knows that he or she is far from perfect. Therefore, wise parents  are eagerly looking for the ways that God will show them where they need to change. Thus, the wise man loves a rebuke (especially from his wife) because he knows he needs to hear it. Even if a rebuke is not given in the kindest way, the wise man still learns from it. He knows that his heavenly Father is delighting in him when he receives a rebuke. He knows that this rebuke is a sign that he is God’s son.

Parents, how do you respond to a rebuke? How do you give a rebuke?

Here are some questions to help you think about how you can grow in wisdom

· to love a rebuke and

· to give direction from an attitude of delight.

 

How do you typically respond to criticism or rebuke? Be honest and specific with your answers.

· Do you defend your behavior and explain it away?

· Do you counter-attack?

· Do you clam up? Do you merely say, “I’ll think about it”?

· Do you agree in a way that is designed to get past the critique as quickly as possible?

· Do you try to understand the ways in which the criticism is accurate?

· Do you humbly ask others for insight and feedback?

When you correct your children , do they sense that your correction is given because you delight in them and want to help them grow in wisdom—or because you are frustrated with them?

Think about these things. Why not comment so that others can benefit from your thoughts? Better still, bring these thoughts before God and ask him to make you a wise parent  who loves a rebuke.